Lingering Affections
by they're only words
Summary: You look up at him and wonder what’s going on inside his head. He never tells you anymore. He used to.


A/N-As weird as it may sound, this story was inspired by some slash fanfics I was reading about John Nolan and Jesse Lacey. No, this story isn't slash, so those of you who are a little squeamish, don't leave! I didn't put names in on purpose, that was the way I wanted it. It's not too hard to figure out who it is. I'll save the rest of my notes for the bottom so that you can form your own opinions about the story.

Disclaimer-I don't own Life with Derek, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

* * *

You look up at him and wonder what's going on inside his head. He never tells you anymore. He used to.

"I have to go," he says, pulling away from you.

"Why?" you ask, knowing what the answer is.

"I just do. My parents are probably going to be home soon." He kisses you on the forehead then leaves, climbing out the window because, even if he won't admit it, he's a little afraid of your dad.

You sigh and look over to his house. You can see him walking up to his front door, and then follow his way through the house by watching the lights come on. When his bedroom light turns on, you turn away, knowing that if he looked out his window, he'd see you, and your not sure if you want him to see you right now.

--

The next day at school, you have to listen to her complain about him.

"And then, I found my cell phone in a bowl full of mayonnaise! How disgusting is that?" she complains, trying to hide a smile, because she's secretly glad that he's paying her attention, and she recognizes the very elementary-school-reaction-to-a-crush reasoning behind the prank.

"Hmm," you say, not wanting to give her the encouragement, because if you have to listen to it for too much longer you might explode. "How'd you do on the French exam?" you ask, already knowing that she got an A, but just wanting to change the subject.

She prattles on about her grades and how she wasn't sure she had done that well, and you inwardly roll your eyes because you know that she's well aware of how smart she is. Then you see him walking towards you. He smirks and tugs on her hair, then gives a full on smile when she shrieks his name. He doesn't even glance at you, and you sigh, hoping to get a crumb of attention. When he finally looks at you, he doesn't meet your eyes. He always used to.

--

He's back in your room later that night. You don't know why he keeps coming back, it's obvious to you that it's over, and he knows it. As you're lying in bed with him, with him slowly tracing designs on the small of your back, you ask him about her. You feel him tense up.

"What are you talking about?" he asks you. When you try to meet his eyes, he shifts them away.

"You're just so focused on her. Are you sure you hate her as much as you say?"

"Well, duh. She's an intruder on my house. She keeps trying to turn everything all girly and make it clean. And her good grades are making mine look worse."

You don't say anything; you know that you don't need to. He knows that you can see it now, which means that most people probably can as well.

You continue to look at him, hoping to catch his eye, just once, but he never glances your way. It's like he can't stand to look at you anymore, not since she came and he knows that things will never be the same.

"I love you," you say, knowing that it's true, and that it's always been true, and that he doesn't feel the same now, if he ever did.

He sighs. "No you don't. You just think that you do. You'll get over it."

"Why do you say that?" you ask, genuinely hurt.

"Because you don't love me. You might have loved me back when we were kids, but now, it's just not the same. Now we're completely different people, and whatever is still here between us, it isn't love."

"What is it?"

"Lingering affections. An unwillingness to let go. Maybe even just old habits that we can't break."

You blink, trying to keep back tears. "If that's all it is, then why do you stick around?"

"I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't. You'd probably be better off. Maybe you could move on and find someone who's good for you."

"What if you're good for me?"

"I'm not, and you know it."

You can't keep the tears back any longer. As they stream down your face, he finally looks you in the eyes, for the first time in over a month.

"I'm sorry," he says, and he sounds like he actually means it. He dresses quickly and climbs out the window. "I'll see you around," he says awkwardly. You know he means it, but it won't ever be the same.

--

After that night, he quit coming over. You'd still see him in school, but he never really saw you, because you were always with her.

She tells you about his irrational fear of tears, and inwardly you feel proud that you've left some sort of lasting effect on him.

He starts dating random girls, lots of them. You know that it would've been you, if you had just kept your mouth shut. He's not ready for the social stigma that comes with dating her, and for some reason, you're proud.

--

When Sheldon asks you out, you say yes. You know that he's not the right guy, but he's a nice guy, and he's the complete opposite of him. Sheldon would never deny your feelings and leave you crying like he did.

When he finally asked her out, you died a little inside. You knew it was coming, for over a year before she did, but it was still a shock to see them together. You acted happy for her and listened to her talk about him, but always wished that it could've been you.

After college, when you agreed to be her maid of honor, you pretended it was you marrying him instead. As they danced, you whispered to your feet, "I love you," hoping that it would echo back to him and he would finally see. He didn't, because all he saw was her.

* * *

A/N-Okay, so I know that a lot of people, especially the people that review my fics, hate Demily, but that's why it didn't end with Demily. I'm a big Dasey shipper too, and I would hate to see Demily, but I thought that this was an interesting view of the whole thing. So, review!


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